Ya’ll I am knee deep in Game of Thrones.
Total Daenerys Targaryen the whole way! What a boss babe!
I know, she’s a fictional film character but whoever drew her up did an absolute incredible job at it. I love how they took their time to take us on a journey through her growth. We literally get to watch her transform from being a traded pawn to satisfy her brother’s ambition into then becoming the series’ greatest conqueror. Khaleesi.
There is no way I can connect with a character and not learn something from them. So let me tell you why I want to be just like Daenerys Targaryen: LOL
She conquers with a PURPOSE. She doesn’t conquer a city just to call herself a greater leader or to have more power. She wants to eradicate slavery from their time in age. This is why people follow her. They follow her because she has their best interest at heart.
Where is my heart?
How often do we do things with our heart in the wrong place?
The other day I was cleaning my kids’ room while simultaneously fussing at them for the mess that they had made. “Do this! Pick that up! Put that over there!”
The same attitude I was shooting orders with was the same attitude I was receiving from them in return. “I didn’t do that! He did that! That’s hers!”
Where was my heart? Probably in seeing a clean room as quickly as possible. But if I would have instead kindly gave instruction instead of orders… how differently would that conversation have gone?
“Mikayla, come do the bed with me,” while handing her one side of the bed sheets and holding on to the other. Maybe I would add, “If you do this first thing when you wake up, you’ll probably also feel the need to put your dirty pajamas in the laundry bin instead of the floor.”
Don’t let the mom guilt in for tea. The next time this happens in your house, just make a quick adjustment from your mind to your heart and finally your words. Don’t be too proud to show your family that you needed a quick realignment.
When Matters are Bigger
But those are simple matters: a clean room, dirty laundry in the right place, shoes off at the door. What happens when matters have a greater impact in life?
For example, say… life partners.
If you’ve started following me recently, then nice to meet you! My name is Diana, I’m a teacher by day and blogger/entrepreneur by night. I am also a single mother of two. So all the insecurities, struggles and doubts of a 30-somethin y/o single momma… I’ve got them! If this is you too, I’m here for you boo.
In previous blog posts I have briefly shared about my dating experiences. Ha! It was just a few months ago and even now I look back and laugh. What do I laugh at? Well, my heart… and its reluctance to stay centered in what really matters. That’s what!
I must admit, for some time I was looking for a way to get rid of loneliness. I was enthusiastic about dating or getting to know a guy in hopes of it growing into something more. I’ve always been a romantic. I’m the one that takes all love songs seriously and movie romances just as much. I mean, of course Woody ends up with Bo Peep at the end of the story!
If you’ve read my blog posts before then you must know… I have no problem with admitting I was wrong. In this case, admitting my heart was in the wrong place. I wanted to date for the sake of not being lonely and because of it I sort of lay my standards pretty low.
I’m relatively new to being single and had no idea how hard dating really is. So the entire “red flags” bit was not something I had a trained eye for. I won’t go into details but… let’s just say I see all the colors of all different types of flags now… in neon. Haha
I share this not with the intention of being cynical or because I quit at love. Instead with the pure intention of encouraging you to analyze your own heart. Especially to my single momma’s… queens, this blog post is for you.
Advice from a Wise Woman
So last week I was at a seminar and I got to share some time with a dear friend and colleague of mine. She has been divorced for many more years than I have and her children are now teenagers. It is engraved in me to seek wise council and so I didn’t doubt to ask her the following question:
“If you could speak to the younger version of you who was recently divorced, what would you tell her?”
She gave me what has probably been the most valuable advice I’ve received in the last two years of my life. She said:
Focus on your career and your dreams first. You may think you need to focus on your kids but children are resilient and they will ultimately benefit from you becoming the woman that you need to be. This is the time for you to pursue all that you want as an individual and a professional. Make yourself successful.
Then focus on your children and whatever they need to become healthy and stable adults.
Finally, when you’ve managed the first two… then you’ll be at a place to make room for love.
Gold. Pure gold.
Listen, I know you can tell that I haven’t just sat around and let life happen to me. I know I’m a strong woman with big dreams. Just as big as my dreams are my fears but I push through them. I refuse to settle. Nevertheless, I have to ask myself, how much further could I have gone if I could keep my heart focused on my season?
Here’s my call to action: what are you suppose to be working on today? What dream or goal do you owe YOURSELF to accomplish? What is distracting you from getting there?
Let’s focus our heart.
Let’s clarify our motivation.
Let’s work towards our purpose.
There is a Khaleesi (a queen) in each of us. There is an iron throne to conquer. Let’s put the distractions to the side and focus on our goals. No matter what we do, the right person will walk into our life no later than at our indicated season.
You know I can’t end this any other way: create a life you love… a life by you!