Sure Didn’t See that Coming!

Updated: Jan 18



In the short time that I have spent blogging I have learned that my readers connect most with my stories than with an idea.  So this week I had planned to write about empowering our goals as part of our four-part series on Surviving Quarantine… but something has changed along the way. 


I am goal oriented. When I pick up a project, the first thing I do is break it down into smaller goals or milestones that will bring me closer to the final product. I don’t believe I mentioned it before but I actually have a Bachelor in Business focused in Project Management. That field is very broad; you can be a PM in basically any industry. In this season, I’ve enjoyed being the PM of my own dreams.


Therefore my message for empowering your goals was simple: accomplish something small that will take you to work on and accomplish the next thing. Do that until you get to where you want to go.


Having said that, not all things in life are that easy. I wish they were. I wish you could just work your goals up a latter and into your dream life. I’d probably be there by now… or at least much closer than I feel I am.


This week while going through my emails I came across a newsletter from one of my favorite authors. There are two women that I look up to as distant mentors in this blogging journey that I am in. She is one of them. The subject read, “Did you hear my announcement?!”


I hadn’t, so I quick opened the email and began reading. Here’s what Rachel Hollis wrote in her newsletter:

“This week was a unique experience: I officially revealed the cover of my new book, Didn’t See that Coming, and for the first time in my career as an author I was nervous about the world hearing my announcement rather than excited.  You see, I began writing this book in March of this year because I wanted to create something that would be helpful for readers as they navigated quarantine or crisis – really- any kind of hardship.  And then, in the midst of editing the book my marriage ended, and suddenly I found myself writing about grief while grieving the loss of the foundation of my entire life.”

My heart sunk to my stomach.


I’ve told myself repeated amount of times that I would not write about divorce until I felt absolutely sure I was ready to do so. But divorce is loss. When are we really ready to talk about loss? Sometimes loss hurts just as much on day 1 than day 600. It may hurt just as much in your stage of shock than in the stage of acceptance.

My heart sunk to my stomach out of empathy for her but also out of fear for myself.

The Unknown


I’ll be honest; the first thing I thought was “will I ever find the person that will be by my side until our very last day alive?” I mean, is this person even real?


I’m speaking to the single moms, dads and the single ladies and gents: have you ever thought that? Have you ever had a moment where you feel completely and utterly alone? If so, my encouragement to you today is: you are not the only one. Many times we magnify our situation because we think we are the only person on the planet going through it. We aren’t.


The one thing we can do is change our perspective about the unknown future. When I get that feeling of loneliness what I try to focus on is my calling. My life has purpose outside of somebody else. So the energy that I could spend pouting about the unknown future, I decide to invest into blessing other people. I invest it in my children, I invest it in my blog, I invest it in friends and family that I love, and I invest it in my work.


What I’m trying to say though, is that we are allowed to have feelings. We are allowed to feel lonely and scared of the unknown. We just can’t stay there. If we stay there we will never grow and we will stop becoming who we need to be when the right person crosses our path.


The Highlight Reel


Can you guess the next thing that I did after reading her newsletter? Ha! I went straight to her Instagram, of course. Instagram: the window into our lives. Or is it really?


When growing up I remember my mom prompting me to clean the house before guest we coming over. We would pick up the living room, sweep, mop, dust, etc. in order to show off a clean house to whoever was coming. I suppose it would be more honest to leave the house as it was so that our guest could see our true selves and the life that happens within our walls but… that would be inappropriate. Doing so would actually come off as us considering our guest not being important enough than to greet them with a clean house.


It is only appropriate that we post the good looking side of our life on IG. As I write this, I am still in pajamas, I haven’t brushed my teeth, I haven’t taken a shower, my face is a pale and my hair is a mess. I simply wouldn’t take a selfie right now and post it if you gave me a hundred bucks.


When I went on her IG, I saw the beautiful feed that I had visited and liked countless times before. The picture where she announced her divorce was one I had liked but had skipped reading the caption. Under it thousands of comments of people’s opinions about the news she had shared. Someone actually expressing how disappointed she was that they gave marriage advice and that their marriage probably had more issues than her own.


Can you agree with me? Instagram is NOT the place to air your marital struggles. It doesn’t matter how influential you are. We are all trying to do our best and we don’t have to share the worst on our feed.


So let’s all do ourselves a favor and stop arriving at the conclusion that there are people on IG who have perfect lives. This way we won’t be terribly disappointed when we find out we each have our own struggles.


Create a Life You Love


This mission we are in of creating a life that we love is a long journey we will each take to our final day. Creating a life that we love does not exempt us from pain, suffering or loneliness. It requires us to be intentional and sometimes overcome hurdles. But God’s mercy is new each morning. No matter what you are going through, today is a great day to give it our best.


As for me, I’m hopeful. I’ve got two kids who I want to protect and give the best life to. Even though sometimes I’m scared that I’ll be fifty and alone, lol… I’m hopeful that the right man will come around.


Maybe my friends will stop texting me because I keep blogging about our chats but last night I texted a girlfriend in the middle of my emotions and her answer to me was priceless.

Your feelings are valid! They are legitimate but they are not your truth.  You have Christ and a new fresh real you! I can’t wait to meet the man that will fall in love with you for you and will enjoy every part of you! Even the things he won’t like, he will embrace!

Here’s to hoping he’s out there! ::champagne glass emoji::


Create a life you love… a life by YOU!

 

You can now pre-order a copy of her book, Didn’t See That Coming, which comes with extra downloadable freebies.


(This blog contained content from Rachel Hollis’s newsletter.)