The other day as I was strolling through instagram I came across a meme that said something like, “If you don’t have somebody by now, you won’t have anyone for Christmas”. Cringe. Well, thank you, meme-central, for your thoughtfulness.
And another one: “These holidays are couples s**, I’ll see ya’ll in March.” lol
The truth is, we’ve been blessed with some chilly days in South Florida pretty early on in the season and doesn’t that just feel like perfect weather to snuggle with someone you love? Yeap, it sure enough does. So let’s help each other out.
As I go through the following tips on staying sane while being single this holiday season, remember I’m walking through the same road that you are. So do send me your own thoughts and tips on this challenging but beautiful subject cuz ya girl needs it as well!
ONE: Align your heart.
If you enjoyed my funny drive-thru reel, then you probably like intense drama stories right? Bear with me while I get vulnerable. Promise the next tips will be funner… but without this first one, everything else will be out of place.
Not holiday related. Recently I’ve started a new journey of self-discovery and growth. I’ve been at the top of my convictions and at the very bottom of my self doubt. As a cherry on top, I wasn’t sleeping. I kept tossing and turning night after night playing all types of scenarios in my head. Some replays of real events and other make-believe ones too… created by the talented screenplay writer that lives inside my head.
I can’t remember the day but there was a moment where the anxiety, the sadness and the doubt had overtaken me and my body in the most unhealthy of ways. I remember I made it as far as 3pm and then I had to ask to go home early.
It’s difficult to explain the feeling. It’s this overwhelming sensation that everything in your adult life has gone wrong and somehow, it’s all your fault. This obviously not being true but just seeming like the most authentic reality at the moment.
I got home, layed in my bed and even though I was extremely tired, I could not fall asleep. In what seemed like an instant, two hours had gone by and I needed to pick up my kids up. I remember this moment so vividly. As I pushed myself to sit up on my bed I felt my entire being just cry out to God. Tears streamed down my cheeks blurring my vision, my body felt too heavy to hold up, the sadness was indescribable and I just gasped out to my Heavenly Father in words probably so fumbled that only He could understand… “I can’t. I need You.”
I don’t know how I got through the rest of that evening but that night I slept 8 hours straight. Ever since that afternoon, I’ve felt different.
I am convinced that it was in that moment that I truly accepted my incapacity to be in control of the life that happens around me and I surrendered. For many seasons in my many years of walking with Jesus, I have had moments where God was silent. There was no yes, or no, or maybe so. That is not the case right now.
A friend of mine triggered me to start looking up all the promises God has for me and even though at first I felt as if I had none… I decided to believe I did, and so I’ll read until I find them. I have postured myself to hear His voice and because of it, I am seeing promises I had missed before by being distracted.
Let’s get back to the holidays: I know the weather is perfect, IG feeds are full of couples proposing, and Mariah Carey is reminding us that all we want for Christmas is him/her… lol but let’s align our hearts to what really matters.
Is it worth hooking up with someone just to not be alone this Christmas? Is it worth going back to someone you know has no intentions with you? Or instead can we align our hearts to the season God has led us into. Maybe it’s a season of preparation. Maybe it’s a season of healing. Maybe it’s a season of restoring our self worth.
I’m in my own journey so know that I’m not speaking from a place of achievement. I am speaking from a place of maturity. From where I stand, a broken heart is no longer worth it. So let’s align our hearts to what really matters. You really matter. A whole, healthy, strong YOU.
TWO: Share your feelings with a friend.
If you’ve been following my feed for longer than a minute, you know how fond I am of healthy, strong friendships with wise, visionary women. Some time ago I read that you are the sum of the 5 people you hang around with the most and that has become a real life lesson. I believe that those 5 people fluctuate every so often depending on what part of your story you’re living.
Whoever they are today, know that you have the power to decide who they are.
Recently, I’ve been thinking about using CALUL to launch a place where like-minded women can connect, meet and maybe even build friendships. I haven’t worked out the entire idea… I just know there are so many ladies on my IG that would be such a blessing to each other if we all just knew each other. Anyway, project for different blog! ha!
Dear sweet friend, tell someone how you’re feeling about being single during the holidays. I know I have a handful (literally) of friends that are taking me in, praying over me, encouraging me during this season.
The other day I was chatting with some girlfriends and expressing a very specific doubt in my life. This is what they said to me, “Even though you don’t have faith right now, I will have faith for you.” How beautiful is that?
We need community. We need people. Church is NOT Sunday service. Sunday is a “gathering” of the church… WE are the church. If you haven’t done so, treat a friend out to coffee and let her know you’ll be pouring out your heart. OR! If you know someone that may need to lean on your faith this season… reach out and invite THEM to coffee. Maybe you are someone’s answered prayer.
THREE: Create some memories.
Finally, focus on creating memories of your own!
I’ve been divorced for almost three years. After the divorce, I decided there were certain traditions that I was going to make sure I kept for my kids. Every December we take a trip up to Orlando for Disney. This is my favorite time of the year for Disney parks. The weather is chilly and everywhere you go it’s Christmas! My kids LOVE it.
Sometimes, we have our mind so focused on what we don’t have that we miss enjoying what we do have. This has been especially true for me recently. I’ve been one to focus on the wrong things and that has robbed me of some beautiful memories. I don’t want that to be a reoccurring flaw in my life.
So this holiday season, instead of focusing on not being able to be under the mistletoe with someone, why don’t we focus on new traditions. Instead of paying attention to the IG feed, soak up the moment you’re in with family and friends. It’s a moment you’ll never get back.
Whether you have kids or not, why not try some baking? Why not plan a special trip with friends? Why not host friendsgiving? Why not treat yourself to your own personal Christmas photo shoot? Open up Pinterest and search “holiday DIY” or “Christmas traditions” or… why don’t you create your own start-up and sell something special for the holidays? Anyway, the sky is the limit.
Before I go I want you to know that I know life is difficult. Love seems to be harder than life. lol But where you are is where you should be and no matter if we have a partner or not, today is a beautiful day to be celebrated.
Create a life you love!